Beverly Hills 90210: Forever

An in-depth examination of one of television's most magnificent programs.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Karaoke rules! But only sometimes!

Today's episode was pretty marvelous. Mostly because it included KARAOKE! KARAOKE! KARAOKE! (most of which was sung by Jim Walsh), some major drama, a season one character comeback, and minimal screen time for both David and Andrea (yes).

First off, Brenda and Kelly are taking an aerobics class which is actually called Cardio Funk (how hip), and some goof keeps checking Brenda out which is kind of confusing because how are any of these spandex-clad gents straight? Well, apparently this one is. So anyway, dude starts flirting with Brenda and it turns out he's Pre-Med and his name is Tim Matthews (Uh-oh). So anyway, it takes a good amount of charm and courting before Kelly finally does her twisty mouth thing which prompts Brenda to tell Tim that she's got a bee-eff, (Dylan, who just happens to be in AA at the moment, but more on that later). So after Tim goes back to his cool dorm to study Pre-Med or whatever, Kelly confronts Brenda and Brenda retorts with "Kelly, I'm here to exercise, nothing more." Whatever Bren, you know you want Tim the remarkably straight Cardio Funk Pre-Med goofball, right?! Whatever.

So Dylan's hanging out at AA like the responsible former alcoholic he is, listening to a speech (since when do they have microphones at AA meetings? And why do they take place in auditoriums? Oh wait, it's California, anyway-) by none other than SURF BETTY! That's right, Sarah the alcoholic broad who almost drowned first season if it hadn't been for Brandon and his strong Minnesota arms and even stronger Minnesota lungs. Anyway, Sarah's been sober for 12 days or something like that, and she just got out of an abusive relationship or something like that. She also hasn't been surfing in awhile (how sad), and really wishes she could get back out on the waves.
After her speech, Dylan and Sarah have a great little talk:
Dylan: "How you doin'?"
Sarah: "Better than the last time you saw me."
Dylan: "You were pretty wasted."
Sarah: "Yeah I'm pretty good at that."
Girl's a real charmer.

So sometime after all this Brandon's setting up a sweet karaoke system at the Peach Pit and Dylan's been sober for 90 days (Yay!), and he invites Brenda to a great, romantic night at . . . Alcoholics Anonymous? Why not?

This is where it all starts to go downhill. Dylan takes Sarah surfing and there was a lot of surfer lingo at this part so I don't really know what happened but there was a pretty great surfing montage made all the more awesome by some killer guitar riffs, and then Sarah complained about how people don't "get" alcoholism and then she touched Dylan's hair and invited him to the movies. Girl, back off. Anyway, Dyl-o declined but failed to mention Brenda. Dyl-an.

Now, here comes the KARAOKE! KARAOKE! KARAOKE! Jim Walsh certainly can't wait to get his hand on the mic. And all the gang will be there! Awesome! But wait, before everyone's out the door, Tim calls Brenda. Wait what? She never gave him her number. So . . . oh, he's stalking her. And that's perfectly fine with everyone. Sure. Cool.
Anyway, Jim opens the magical KARAOKE! KARAOKE! KARAOKE! night with that "Doo Wa Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo" song that, even though I know 90210 is old, I still think they could've bought the rights to something more modern. Whatever, everyone else sings this song too, at different points in time (because this is the only song the Peach Pit has so far apparently), and it's all awkward and giggly and Cindy Walsh gets totally embarrassed but it's like, get over it Cindy everyone's having fun and business is booming!

But after all of this television magic, Dylan gets a message from the alcoholic broad about how she really needs a drink and a friend and of course good ol' Dylan has to come to her rescue. Bad move, brother. It turns out there's a drunk guy sleeping on her couch. And he's got a couple burns up his sleeve. For example, he calles Dylan "the Sobriety Patrol". Oh man, he did not just go there! Anyway, Dylan removes him with ease from the apartment because the guy's drunk and can't really walk or anything but Sarah is still so terrified and starts clinging at Dylan's neck sobbing, "please don't leave me, please don't leave me." Cool it, already.

I don't really know what happens here but Jim Walsh sings into a banana and Tim calls again (HELLO, WHY HASN'T ANYONE MENTIONED THAT TIM MATTHEWS IS STALKING BRENDA?!) But whatever, Jim was singing into a banana.

Eventually, we learn that Dylan spent the night at Sarah's (on the couch) and she brings him a great breakfast that only a recovering alcoholic could make. (Mmm, Pepsi for breakfast? Thanks!) Somehow she manages to kiss Dylan because he hasn't seemed to mention the fact that he's um, DATING BRENDA, and he's all, "you don't even know me," and Sarah is like, "You surf and you're sober, what else do I need to know?" Now that's a woman with priorities. Finally, Dylan tells her that he has a girlfriend and then he gets the heck outta there.

Back at Cardio Funk, Tim tries to get the dirt on Brenda from Kelly because, like I mentioned before he's a stalker. He even tells Kel that he's "relentless". Yeah, and a creep, and a borderline psychopath, but I guess 'relentless' works too, dude.

Whatever though, because there's MORE KARAOKE. Some old broad is singing and David says, "someone put her out of her misery." Funny thing David, because I could say the same thing about you! Anyway, more Jim Walsh rockin' the mic!
A few moments later, Dylan and Brenda show up while Tim is there, (Uh oh! Wait, why is Tim there? Oh right he's stalking Brenda), and an awkward introduction follows. Then Dylan has to "make a phone call" so Tim invites Brenda to sing "Wild Thing". Um no, why don't you just sing the number one hit "I'm Stalking You (And I'm A Creep)"?
Dylan's gotta go check up on Sarah or something so Tim offers to give Brenda a ride home. Geez. Tim, just get a grip.

Dylan gets to Sarah's and she's drunk (Oh no, so much for sobriety, Surf Betty!), and Dylan is so disappointed. Sarah decides to blame her drunkeness on Dylan because he didn't want her unstable, emotionally wounded, sorry ass, and then the Drunk Guy comes up with Awesome Burn no. 2, calling Dylan "Mr. Clean". Oh, Drunk Guy, huzzah! Anyway, Drunkard tries to punch Dylan but misses, so D punches back and doesn't miss because he's great at everything. This really ticks Sarah off and she makes Dylan leave and get out of her life. Whatever dude, good riddance.

Then comes this little miracle:
Brenda: "Thank you for taking me home."
Tim: "I'll take you home any night of the week." Yeah, to my home. In a garbage bag. With your hands and feet bound. SERIOUSLY TIM, COOL IT.
Brenda is so mesmerized by this doofus that she kisses him. Augh, Brenda, how could you? What about Dylan? Wait, why am I worrying? There are like, 8 minutes of the episode left. Everything will be fine.

Wait a minute, more KARAOKE! KARAOKE! KARAOKE!?! Oh yes. But now everyone hates it. Oh no. Oh well, as Robert Frost once said, nothing gold can stay. And apparently David thinks there are things more annoying than him (Highly unlikely). And the gang is going to boycott the Peach Pit if they don't get rid of the karaoke machine because old people keep coming in and then they sing old people songs. I wonder why? Oh, maybe because Aaron Spelling created this show and he was about 294 when this episode was taped and he wanted to hear some bonnie old jigs from the Golden Age. Yeah, that's why.

So FINALLY, Brenda turns down Tim at Cardio Funk because she realizes Dylan is her Knight in Shining Armor or . . . a denim jacket. Whatever. And Tim is all mopey, but 0.5 seconds later he starts flirting with Kelly because he is a "relentless" sociopath with no emotions. Yay!

In the end, Brenda and Dylan have a serious talk where they both confess that they kissed other people but they are so over it and breathe in some deep sighs and then cuddle and it is so great because the final scene involves Jim Walsh wearing headphones while rocking out on his keyboard.

I love when everything works out!


Blogger Gregory Fatsinki said...

gr9 post!

Friday, August 04, 2006 1:40:00 a.m.  
Anonymous bry-n said...

I expect a drastic increase in Beverly Hills 90210 DVD sales.

Friday, August 04, 2006 1:57:00 a.m.  

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